Who determines normal?

In response to last week’s question,  “Who determines normal?”,  my sailing friend Mike realized it is “Norm! of course.  And if you're not in Cheers, it’s the guy at the end of the bar.”  My birthday bud Jon determined it is “Norm and Al.  No, actually it’s Norm and Al's parents.” 

My dad’s beach buddy Bob advised, “It used to be the majority but these days all it requires is a presidential decree to change the rules,” to which my engineering friend Steve asked, “Isn't there a new Czar for that?”   My friend Kwame, who I recently learned completed a Half Ironman triathlon, replied, “The 1%. No wait, that's wrong, it's the 99%. No. No, wait, I know. I know it's the 1%, they have the media buying power ;-)  ”

My Storer Cable colleague Buck advised, “Abnormal’s cousin who’s totally embarrassed by his relatives.”  My BBQ friend Alan shared, “my shrink” while my cousin Wes said, “abnormal psychiatrists who are trying to figure it out” to which my friend Royce added, “But who is really normal?”  Then my friend Swany explained, “those who reside in Normal, IL.  There lies the basis for all normal.”

My neighbor Al pointed out that it was “Dr. Bell Curve.  In reality there is no normal, it's just that we migrate towards people of our own level of intelligence as demonstrated by the people who subscribe to this email.”  And my leadership friend Stuart, “It used to be Norm Stein and Al Levine until they got married. Now it’s their wives, Mary Stein and Dee Levine. (N.B. MaryDee= married).”

My beloved volunteer-recruiting friend Vivian shared, “My normal is probably no one else's.  If I was compared to someone else, I would not be normal, which I have been told many times, but to me, I am normal.”

And then, my neighbor Dick noted, “being "normal" is overrated” to which my organizational behavior guru Marya added, “Normal is no fun, LOL!”  And to all of this, my writing and sailing friend Rich concluded, “Mr. and Ms. Mean Average do. They strive to eliminate the highs and lows and put everyone in the boring middle.  But life is in the highs and lows, long live Mr. and Ms. Abby Normal and their merry band of outliers who soar above and below the average!”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' “:

Can you burn a field down to the ground?

Life  is too short for drama and petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive  quickly.

What do you plant to get seedless watermelon or seedless grapes?

In response to last week’s question,  “What do you plant to get seedless watermelon or seedless grapes?”,  my friend Swany recommended, “In vitro watermelon or grapes.”  My writing and sailing friend Rich replied, “A vasectomy plant.”   My friend Chris, who worked with Swany and me, countered, writing, “spontaneous mutation, kind of like spontaneous combustion but without so much heat.”

My neighbor Al declared, “Everyone knows that you plant seedless seeds to get seedless watermelons and grapes.” My dad’s beach buddy Bob added, “Both with no success.”

My videographer friend Ivan set out to find the answer. “I believe you just need a seedy farmer. No, wait, that would not work, farmers are outstanding citizens. (Out standing in their fields anyway.) You can spay and neuter a dog or cat, I guess it is like that, only with a watermelon.  I bought a seedless watermelon to study this problem, but I ate my homework.  Dang, now I am going to be up all night trying to figure this one out.”

My sailing friend Mike helpfully offered, “While WHAT you plant is important, so is WHO you get to plant it:  Claude Rains of course!”

And then my golden retriever rescue friend, Kate, challenged, “Nothing - they all have seeds and, like every other person in this world, the grocers and grocery chain marketers just lie to you.”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' “:

Who determines normal?

Life  is too short for drama and petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive  quickly.

Hal

To the 100+ volunteers that made Nosh Fest such a success in our community --- the food, entertainment, crafts  and kibitzing – thank you for making this a fun weekend.  And to my wife Alison, for all of her support and advice, and to Barbara, for being an ideal co-chair.

Has evolution let you down?

In response to last week’s question,  “Has evolution let you down?”,  my (unnamed) neighbor , who is a pilot for a well respected major airline reflected, “Almost every day.  Especially when I watch passengers try to stuff their overstuffed steamer trunk carry on luggage into the overhead bins.  Or the doe-eyed look when they are pulling a uhaul with 12 bags down the jetway and you tell them they are limited to 2 carry on bags.  Don't get me started!”

My writing and sailing friend Rich shared, “In my case it's just slow.  According to my bride I have a lot more evolving to do before I am allowed out on my own.”  My friend Stuart concurred, “No, but I think it passed me up.”

My friend Swany concluded, “The answer can be summed up with two words, "Jersey Shore" (or a resounding "YES").”    And Snooki just had a baby this past Saturday.

My dad’s beach buddy Bob wrote, “Very much so.  I thought a higher level of intelligence would have evolved  in San Francisco voters.  Maybe it is the weeds that has caused it.” To this, my friend Royce added, “Your answer can be found in Congress.”

My friend Richard concluded, “When I look at what we have evolved into, it makes me want to down a drink or two. Does that count?”

My marketing friend Megan recalled something “not funny, but interesting: Complete personal let down – my mother was completely “evolved”, no wisdom teeth, no tonsils and no appendix.  Yet I still managed to get them all!”

My cycling friend Ted shared, “We in the Dental profession always joke that wisdom teeth are an evolutionary hold over, and the more evolved people simply do not have wisdom teeth. It's not that they are not wise, but that they are more evolved!!(They have avoided the dreaded Oral Surgeon). So, to answer your question from an odontogenic point of view, evolution has indeed let me down, by virtue of the presence of my third molars. Besides, just ask my wife, she says I  look and act like a Neaderthal.”

And my compassionate friend Chris concluded, “God, I hope not!"

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' “:

What do you plant to get seedless watermelon or seedless grapes?  From my friend Patrick

Life  is too short for drama and petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive  quickly.

Hal

To my friends who joined me this weekend learning celestial navigation: This is proof again that there were a lot of really smart people before us.  They figured out all of the math and science before human flight and computers.  We have role models!

Where is an apartment simple?

In response to last week’s question,  “Where is an apartment simple?”,  my business consulting friend Kwame observed that “an apartment is simple when it's in England and called a flat!”

My friend Royce declared, “It's an apartment and it's as "simple" as that.”  But my dad’s beach buddy Bob explained that it’s simple “when it is empty.  Living with anyone can complicate things.”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' “:

Has evolution let you down?

Lord, give me a sense of humor; give me the ability to understand a clean joke; to get some humor out of life, and to pass it on to other folks. 

Hal

Where do you get a replacement handle on life?

In response to last week’s question,  “Where do you get a replacement handle on life?”,  my cousin Valarie replied, “Life has handles?!  I could handle that.  Since I never had a handle on life to begin with, I don’t  know what one looks like!”

My friend Richard shared, “Mori Luggage would be my guess. Sometimes duct tape is sufficient, since it is so much like “the Force” of Star Wars fame:  It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.  This must be where the phrases “losing one’s grip” and “get a grip on things” come from.”

My friend Chris, who is clearly no longer living in ATL, Home Depot’s home town, suggested, “from Lowe’s of course...cause they 'never stop improving'.”  My BBQ friend Alan recommended “Sears, preferably a “Diehard” series one ….” to which my piano playing friend Ira  concurred, “Sears, of course. Just call the 800 number but be prepared to have the part number.”   My friend Swany advocated “True Value hardware.  They always have the thing that nobody else carries.”

My friend Royce claimed, “Got mine at Wal-Mart.  Look at those folks at  http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/photos/  and go find the handle.

Then my dad’s beach buddy Bob cautioned, “You can't.  You are only given one for a lifetime.”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' “:

To have BBQ or have a BBQ, that is the question.

Life  is too short for drama and petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive  quickly.