How far is ‘over yonder’?

In response to last week’s question, “How far is ‘over yonder’?,” my dad’s beach buddy Bob explained, “It’s sort of like over the hill but not as critical a destination.”

My former CA colleague Jim, who was always a quiet one, wrote, “In my small community, when repair men (or women) say it will be done tomorrow, they don't mean tomorrow, just not today. "Over yonder" is similar. It doesn't mean just over the next hill, just not on this side of the hill.”

My sailing and writing friend Jodie shared, “One says "over yonder" when you don't know how far it is. Or don't wish to tell, in a take-a-hike kind of way.”

My sailing friend Kate defined it as “far enough away to make one contemplate if going there is worth the trip.” My birthday bud Jon and college roomie John agreed, “Not sure. That sounds like there is a good distance to travel; but you get there eventually. (They call the response a "callback" in the comedy world.)”

My tech society co-chair and water rescue friend Andy noted, “On a lake, 'over yonder' is just of the distance you think you can swim past but actually just shy of the distance you can swim. Wear a PFD...”

My friend Richard explained that “Yonder is not an indication of distance, only of direction (±45°). “A piece” indicates a moderate distance that is somewhat farther than a “stone’s throw.” But my friend Tracey thought it was a distance, writing, “It's just down the road a spell.” My sailing friend Kurt thought it was, “ Just a piece.” Then my friend Effie stated, “The distance can vary from just off the tip of your pointed finger and can stretch to infinity (and beyond!)”

My cousin Greg, whose contributes more often than his parents, suggested “obviously you have to travel over Yonder to get there” and my friend Royce asked, “Is Yonder an Amish name?”

My sailing and writing friend Rich noted that “In the old days, we would say it's a "fer piece" because it took "a bit" to wander on over. Today you can't go a fer piece no more cause it’s politically incorrect.”

My friend Swany was the most specific as he wrote, “Over yonder is a stone's throw away from Bugtussle.”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

         Is it possible to dig half a hole? from my friend Ted

Live well...laugh often and heartily…. have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

OK, one more. My dentist and flying friend Ted shared, "Over Yonder is truly a variable distance and is usually measured by how far the speaker of the term can spit. However, this distance is strongly impacted by the the general condition of the remaining dentition--are they fractured , missing, decayed, mobile due to periodontal disease or absent all together! Given that the people who use this colloquialism generally score poorly on a dental health report card, their ability to projectile spit would seemingly be compromised. However, In all my years of practice I am still amazed by what people can adapt to. People you would think are complete "spit cripples" are somehow able to launch loogies an astounding distance. It's just a matter of what you consider important in life!! So-- how far is over yonder? I would say about 30 feet!

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How long is eventually?

A ponderable with the humor in the vein of George Carlin, Steven Wright and Demetri Martin, this is in response to last week’s question, “How long is eventually?,” my friend Blair knew the simple answer, “Eventually comes after a while.”

My cable TV friend Megan suggested it is “about as far away as "over yonder".    This response made me realize that I'm not doing a good job indoctrinating my kids with these "Southernisms", as well as toting or ‘a piece’!” 

My dad’s beach buddy Bob was a bit pessimistic as he wrote, “It is always out of reach.”  My friend Richard added, “I believe eventually ends on the day that Hell freezes over. If we can find out when that happens, we’ll have our answer. Personally, I believe it will be in 2035, when Justin Bieber stars as Moses in the musical remake of “The Ten Commandments”.”

My college roomie and sailing friend John took the optimistic view, writing, “However long it takes.  Varies by people and their priority.”  To this, my sailing friend Kurt added, “It depends on what you are doing, although it does get shorter once you start.”

My birthday bud Jon was indecisive in his often pun-ny way, “I’ll let you know.  Eventually.”  My friend Royce agreed, “It’s when you eventually get around to it.”

My writing and sailing friend Rich applied, “E=MC², which works out to Eventually equals how Much you Care Squared about what you are waiting for. For me, I’m usually waiting for my wife, or the wind. Both can take a long time to get ready to do their thing.”

My marketing friend Jeff defined eventually as “sometime between Now and Never!”  To this, my temple friend Vivian concluded, “It depends to whom you are telling that.  If you are telling "eventually" to your children, it means forever and ever.”   My friend Tracey agreed, “Eventually is how long it takes for my 13 year old to do anything!”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

How far is “over yonder”?  from my friend Megan

Live well...laugh often and heartily…. have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

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If Love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

A ponderable with the humor in the vein of George Carlin, Steven Wright and Demetri Martin, in response to last week’s question, “If Love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”, my birthday bud Jon explained, “It feels good,” which my friend Swany restated, “One word: Braille.” But my dad’s beach buddy Bob cautioned, “You have to get the feel of it.”  My running buddy Tony agreed when he added, “what better way to feel your way around. It is all about the tactile.”

My sailing friend Kurt clarified, “Love is blind, I'm not.”  To this, my neighbor Al adjusted, “Love is blind ... but not sex.”

My friend Richard, who has his doctorate in this field advised, “Because you are confusing lust with love.  Lingerie = lust.”  While my friend Royce added, “Love may be blind, but lingerie stimulates the id,” my optimistic friend Patrick concluded, “Because lust sees 20/20.”

My college roomie John expressed his confusion, “Is lingerie popular? Just show up with beer - that is love!” 

My cousin Wes waxed philosophically, “Perhaps men are blind to everything else but what the lingerie ‘hides’.”  My sailing friend John observed, “Can we just be honest here?  The lingerie is not necessarily for the one you love … we seem to appreciate it most when it’s on someone else!”

My cousin Greg paused from his studies to explain that “because blind people need love too,” which leads to my friend Ivan’s logical conclusion at the bottom of this email.

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

How long is eventually?

Live well...laugh often and heartily…. have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

From my friend Ivan, in celebration of Valentine’s Day:

G-d is love

Love is Blind

Stevie Wonder is Blind

Therefore: Stevie Wonder is G-d

Stevie Wonder is popular; G-d is more popular

Some people love G-d; Everyone loves Lingerie

Therefore Lingerie is more popular

If God is more popular; And Lingerie is more popular

Therefore: Lingerie is G-d, QED

G-d I love Logic!  And Lingerie!!!

ALSO: Best wishes to Watson, the computer, who competes on Jeopardy this Mon-Wed against champions Ken Jenning and Brad Rutter.

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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

In response to last week’s question, “If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?”, my dad’s beach buddy Bob concluded, “The place is called Heaven by some and "Cloud Computing" by others. My friend Lisa defined the cloud computing when she wrote, “the audience is sitting out amongst the social media crowd like your "friends" on Facebook, your followers on Twitter, etc. Maybe the other people watching you thinking "there but for the grace of G-d..." My writing and sailing friend Rich added, “The audience is in the heavens, gazing down and wondering, "if this is supposed to be a drama, why am I laughing so hard?"

My cousin Wes determined the audience is “In the stage, watching like those folks sitting down in the mall while others scurry by shopping.” My pilot friend Ted shared, “my wife would say it is from a treadmill on the moon; I would say is it from the cockpit of a plane.”

My friend Royce simply concluded, “Probably on their tush.” To this, my friend Richard expounded, “On their butts, of course, unless they don’t like the show, in which case they will be sitting on their hands.” My running friend Tony suggested, “they are sitting on the moon (unless you dare say they are on Uranus.”

My friend Kevin wanted to clarify, “Actually, it's a standing-room only crowd.” To this, my interfaith community colleague Audrey responded, “We are our own audience!”

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

In anticipation of Valentine’s Day: If Love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Live well...laugh often and heartily…. have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

For those that know me know I can have a serious side. I’m not asking for money but I am asking for 2 minutes of your time to visit this link to help with my 100 Pint project:

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