Monday, April 26

Why do you write something down, but type it up?

In response to last week’s question, "Why do you write something down, but type it up?", my overworked friend Kevin, his wife Tracey, my dad's beach buddy Bob and my very logical former colleague Chris wrote, " Writing is almost always a downward action, pen to paper. With the original version of typing, the keys on the old typewriters flew up out of the carriage and so did the paper you installed in it. That is on the up and up."

My pilot friend Ted responded, "Beats the heck out of me!! What does that say about our English teachers?" To this his wife Carey, a teacher, observed, "as long as you turn it IN."

My friend Swany and my sailing friend Rich concluded, " Your focus is ‘down’ when writing on paper while your focus is ‘up’ at the monitor when typing something." Swany added, "Gosh, I guess my wit is absent this Monday."

My long-lost podcaster and food blogger friend, Veggie Val, has offered a different version. "'Typing it up' comes from having to pull the paper up to get it out of a typewriter when you’re done with it. That might explain why with computers, we get a print “out” indicating sideways delivery of the printed page. Writing something down probably came from having to bend down over the paper, parchment or stone tablet to work. In outer space, however, they actually can write something up!

My college roomie John asked, "Who writes things especially cursive, anymore? Maybe for a signature, but then a lot of signatures look like a wavy line." Then my friend Royce concluded, "sounds like a sexual problem, dude."

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Live well...laugh often and heartily….be happy, have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

Monday, April 19

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, what would you do?

In response to last week’s question, " If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, what would you do?", my neighbor Dick wrote, "Personally, I would have a drink in celebration of their memory" while my friend Royce was a little more compassionate when he said he would " Call 911 and go get a beer."

My college roomie John offered to "save the lawyer and hope he or she is a tax lawyer that can help me pay less going forward!" My sailing friend Kurt realized that "since the lawyer might be able to help me with the IRS and the IRS agent would probably audit me for rescuing him, I'd throw the lawyer a life preserver." My friend Gian asked, "Whose lawyer and what type? I have nothing against the IRS, but it makes a difference."

My writing and sailing buddy Rich noted, "Since I am indecisive, I would throw an anvil in between them and let them fight it out." "Considering that one of them might be able to swim," observed my wood-turning friend Doug, "you need to be fair to both. The answer is obvious: throw each of them an anchor." Doug and my friend Stuart offered to "toss them a lead life jacket to share." And my neighbor Al wrote, "I'd apologize to the IRS agent, and toss the lawyer an anvil to hold on to. That is that I'd apologize that I only had one anvil." My equally uncompassionate cousin Wes suggested, "Row between them and hit both with a oar as you go by."

My dad's beach buddy Bob noted, "Save the IRS because the lawyers put the rules together that fleece us. IRS agents aren't that smart when you take away their rule book." My organizational mgmt friend Marya proposed, "the IRS Agent because you can't file bankruptcy against them." My former colleague Swany somewhat agreed when he said, " The question really becomes “Who would you like to have gratefully indebted to you?” Since you can’t trust a lawyer and his gratefulness would last only as long as he was wet, then it has to be the IRS agent. Mind you, this is only after you have resisted the temptation to throw them both a cinder block while they’re flailing about in the water."

My insightful friend Chris thought that this to be the beginnings of a good joke, so here comes the punchlines...
1) Why do you think I taped money to the bottom of the pool in the first place?
2) I can't save either of them because I am on my break.
3) Well I can save the IRS agent, but he needs to make an appointment first so we can audit his activity as to how he happened in this predicament in the first place. Of course I would charge him a huge percentage of his income for the audit.
4) Well I can save the lawyer, but he needs to sign an affidavit first stating he would not sue me for any liabilities after the fact. Of course I would charge him a huge fee for the court fees it would cost to file the affidavit.
5) I think ethically I could let both of them drown because in the long run I could run for public office and win on the platform that I tried to save them both from themselves but they weren't bi-partisan enough to help me help them.

And then my dad put it all in perspective: "You could but would you? 1 little letter difference."

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

Why do you write something down, but type it up? from my birthday bud Jon

Live well...laugh often and heartily….be happy, have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

Yes, there's more. My videographer friend Ivan was in his often entertaining way when he wrote:

Okay Hal, this will never happen because it is too good to be true, but like winning the lottery I never play, it is fun to think about.
Again, with logic guiding my every move here, this is my top 10 list for the week.

10) First kill all the lawyers! Okay, Shakespeare, it is generally accepted, was saying that the best way to bring down a society would be to first kill all the lawyers, chaos would rule for there could be no police without prosecution to back the arrest, and no law to support Government, etc. So with this in mind, First I guess I would save the lawyer. So long IRS man.

9) I would throw myself into the water. Being able to save only one, I would save myself!

8) I would save the IRS agent. The gathering sharks would surround the lawyer, and in an act of professional courtesy would carry him/her off to safety. Two saves for the price of one.

7) Drowning? What drowning? I don't see anyone drowning...

6) Since I was the guy who pushed them into the cold, dark, turbulent, shark infested icy waters in the first place, what makes you think I would save either one?

5) If I save the wrong one, I am going to need a lawyer to defend me when I get sued by the estate of the one I did not save. Sorry IRS agent.

4) Heads I save the Lawyer, Tails I save the IRS agent. Better yet, throw the coin in and make a wish.

3) I'd have to think about it for a while, but they would be the first to know once the answer came to me!

2) Just because you can save only one doesn't mean you have to save either! -- The logical fallacy of limited choices. -- Think outside the box, save neither. WIN WIN!

1) I am never far from my Video Camera. Hello FOX NEWS, I've got a Two-Fer to sell you...

Monday, April 12

Is Earth the only planet with chocolate?

In response to last week’s question, "Is Earth the only planet with chocolate?", my friend Tracey concluded, "Earth may be the only planet, but I'm sure Heaven also has chocolate -- with no fat or calories. Hell probably has it too, but you can't have it if you are there." And my coffee gourmand friend Ruth added, "No, because we have all had some chocolate that has been out of this world!"

"Since Earth is the only planet with women," my sailing friend Kurt concludes, "probably!"

My engineering friend Blair wrote, "Hal, sometimes you are a real party pooper. I sure hope other planets have chocolate!. If they don't, it would be a reason to stay home! PS - In 2007, NPR reported that chocolate could help save the rainforests because the cacao trees grow under the canopy and farmers can raise chocolate as a crop (and that may stop them from cutting down trees.)

My friend Patrick supports Blair, explaining, "I think that’s why the government established NASA."

However, my cousin Valarie challenged NASA's exploration when she wrote, "Only Earth has chocolate, so all those women on Venus HAD to migrate to Earth because women can't live without chocolate. And since men can't live without women, the men on Mars moved to Earth, as well (the Mars bar was only urban legend).

My birthday bud Jon has the evidence. "Of course not. Says right on my bag of M&Ms, distributed by Mars." My former colleague Swany concurred, saying " Mars bar and Milky Way come to mind although I don't think Marvin the Martian or a Vulcan somewhere are making loads of money off those."

"I refuse to contemplate living on a planet without chocolate," declared my quilting friend Jodie. "But this brings up something else. My husband would love to live in Star Trek-like times. Shall I burst his bubble and ask him if he thinks they have vanilla ice cream on those planets? No that's HORROR!"

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, what would you do?
Note: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells THEIRS"?


Live well...laugh often and heartily….be happy, have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

PS: In response to my friend Carolyn asking "Why do Jews eat Chinese food on Sunday night?!", my golden retriever rescue friend Kate explained, "Jews (and others) ate Chinese food on Sundays because they were the only restaurants open on Sunday! People ate Chinese food on Mondays for the same reason. Obviously, the person asking the question did not grow up in the northeast/Midwest in the 40's and 50's!" My friend Swany then asked, "does eating at Panda Express become some level of religious importance?"

Thursday, April 8

By celebrating Easter with a bunny, what characteristic or behavior is being encouraged?

In response to last week’s question, "By celebrating Easter with a bunny, what characteristic or behavior is being encouraged?", my birthday bud Jon knows it is "hoppiness" while my wise friend Richard understands it to be "bar hopping." Knowing that this is a spiritual holiday, my sailing friend Scott , "it's rabid devotion" while my former colleague Swany recommends, "deferring to Hugh Hefner."

My friend Ivan suggested, "ask the Pope, but right now, he has other "similar" questions on his plate, and news has it "he aint talkin'!" BTW: On my plate you will find a delicious broiled rabbit at my favorite Italian restaurant. You are all invited."

My neighbor Dick observed, "Since bunnies don't lay eggs, they must steal the eggs, color them
and give them away to kids. We're teaching kids that it is OK to steal."

My neighbor Al responded, 'I think that the bunny brings back the '60's Love Child. Very docile, non aggressive, vegetarian, who has a lot of sex. I'm not sure where the chocolate part comes in ..... Oh! that's with the sex part!" My biking friend Ted needs a couple of sentences to support Al, when he wrote, " My lovely wife Carey thinks of multiplying (but only for bunnies). My third grader Ian on the other hand, thinks of long division. My daughter Ellie thinks of what else, but "Chocolate". For myself, Easter is on a Sunday, it's usually a flying day, so I think of planes. Planes don't mind a good Touch N GO, most women feel differently, which of course brings us back to multiplying."

My comedic friend Bruce warned, "Bunnies use their long ears to detect predators. This means that you should always keep your ears open when you get your Easter candy. Listen for grandpa sneaking over to get a piece of your candy."

My cousin Wes noted that, "Likes Bugs Bunny, 'Eat your vegetables' although there is the small problem of all the Easter candy. My 'organizational dietician friend Marya was also reminded of Bugs when she wrote, "I'm not sure what is being encouraged, but with this famous Looney Tunes clip, my answer would be prankster attitude! ;-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gFL7FBe_PA

Please share your thoughts about "things that make you go 'Hmmm' ”:

Is Earth the only planet with chocolate?

Live well...laugh often and heartily….be happy, have a good week and never regret anything that made you smile!

Hal

My friend Carolyn was left questioning another religion/food connection when she asked, "Why do Jews eat Chinese food on Sunday night?!"

Also: My cousin Valarie complimented everyone, "Last week's seedless watermelon answers was the best crop of answers in a long time. Yay for the seedless watermelon planting seeds of wit."